I have deep thoughts in unusual places. Most often, it is while washing dishes. On Saturday March 16, 2019, it was as I was taking a shower. What was on my mind? Death. It was the same day of Tony Becca’s funeral and since he transitioned to the great unknown on February 28, and especially that day of his funeral I thought alot about the ‘D’ word. This article I read recently, also got my mind going.
Every opportunity I get, I remind people that, the fact that we will all knock on death’s door, dictates……compels us even…….to live the kind of life that we are not going to be disappointed with, when we go “knock, knock, knock,” or when the Grim Reaper comes for us.
As a Trainer, I have a platform and I try and capitalize on it by encouraging deep thought and introspection.
One time in a session with quarrelsome people, you know, people whose natural tendency was to find fault and just complain and quarrel about EVERYTHING.
I asked them to pretend they were 80 years old, sitting in their rocking chair and reflecting on life. What would they be thinking about? As expected, it wasn’t that the air conditioning in their office wasn’t working for the umpteenth time. The words “family,” and “relationships” were common themes. Exactly!
See the importance of keeping the end of life in focus in our daily interactions and actions?
I have tried to practise kindness and empathy throughout my life. Hopefully, if you know me and are reading this, you will be nodding your head in agreement. Apart from good “home training,” as we Caribbean children tend to get, I just didn’t see the point in being mean or in saying hurtful words, which no apology could ever take back, no matter how tearful and sincere it might seem. Sure, a few unkind words may have escaped from my lips, only a teeny tiny few. But I would “ketch up miself” and do something to repair the situation. And then try not to do it again. Hopefully, if you know me and are reading this, again you will be nodding your head in agreement.
“Begin with the end in mind.”
That is a statement which comes up in several contexts. Two examples are when a company is doing strategic planning, or when you’re starting a weight loss programme for the 1,678th time. The most impactful application in my opinion, is to begin any action, any conversation, all interactions, with the end of life in mind. It only takes a few seconds.
Ask yourself “is what I am about to say or do, going to be beneficial to me or the other person(s) in the future?” Is short term pleasure from cussing off someone, especially one who you are supposed to like or love, worth a lifetime of negative consequences? Choose words and actions wisely people.
The last time I went to a funeral was in 2018. As I looked at the casket and listened to tribute after tribute, I thought to myself that the deceased, as he slipped away slowly to his end of life, was NOT thinking “I wished I had cussed off / been unkind to / was rude to more people.” Au contraire, he may have been thinking he wished he didn’t work so hard, or that he regretted not hugging his kids more.
Do you harbour any regrets? Now, while you’re still breathing, is the time to do something about it, init.
Mine was not buying land or a house. During my first long term period in Grenada, real estate was relatively cheap. But you see, I hadn’t intended to stay. I was nomadic in my thinking. I didn’t realise that I could have rented it out while I was away and hired a property manager. Also, I was opposed to the idea of debt because I never ever ever ever wanted to feel like I HAD to stay in an unfulfilling job, just to pay the mortgage. I was always very frugal so that I could live off very little money.
Fast forward to 2016 and I got the opportunity to purchase two parcels of land in the country. Of course, at 53, I am never going to build anything. Just the act of being given the titles was enough to satisfy me, such that I made a little ceremony of it. Yes, I’m a bit silly, aren’t I?
Look into your crystal ball
If you had the power to look in your crystal ball and it told you that your end of life was going to be on a specific date, what would you do to ensure that when you got that place, you were content and you didn’t have internal conflict? Start doing that now.
And so…
